Uh-Oh

Posted on by Gary Fultz

Uh-oh, was the name of our handicapped daughters first doll. Poor dolly had a lot of those moments, so the expression stuck. Ironically, that was the same expression uttered by the attending doctor when our middle daughter was born. He quickly noticed the purplish bulb on her back containing the unfinished spinal column.

I uttered uh-oh 3 days ago while sawing firewood with the chain saw as I lost control of my legs and fell forward towards the running saw. My back had suddenly gone out of place and my limbs instantly quit working. Thankfully my thumb was by the shut off and the saw quit immediately.

After 3 days, I am finally able to walk with help. Actually, I call it the four-inch-sideways shuffle. My wife thinks we are dancing. This uh-oh is painful and slow healing. I am hoping to be able to get in a car and ride to a chiropractor this next week, which will be painful. I tell myself it’s a good pain. I tell myself I will go back to doing what I have been doing. Soon. Maybe. Have a look at some pictures of my doings in semi-retirement. Click to enlarge. I wish the fish got bigger that way…

My year has been filled with able bodied tasks, till now. Cutting and splitting firewood, cutting out wood plaques, making a covered home for the snowblower attachment to the skid steer, ice fishing, cleaning up the woods from dead standing and fallen trees, grilling, making jerky and planning more wilderness canoe treks. The list goes on. Those plans are on hold, if and until I get my body back to being able. I think I have been taking the able body thing for granted more than I thought. An accident-prone person ought to know better.

Meanwhile, I am getting claustrophobic in a body that can’t do anything or go anywhere, yet I am really good and content inside. My wife loves me, possibly too much for her own good (I chose well, we have grown well together). I’m accepting of the possibility that my life’s plans and even passions may take a back seat to reality. My wife and I talk of how many hard things have happened to us and also how much of our lives have been enriched and blessed in spite of the hard things. I see these tensions that seem to combat one another, how good they are and understand that all the contentment comes from many years of having a right relationship with God. No other explanation exists. I’m overwhelmed and good inside. I sometimes struggle with the right words or word pictures, but it’s important. How many people can get to be content inside themselves with this crazy upside-down world? I say we all could.

Everyone has a pail full of faith. Everyone’s pail seems to be a different size. Some have filled their pail with themself. Their opinions, learnings, education, perceived facts and experiences and whoever they may listen to in doing life. They may be labeled atheist, agnostic, or whatever, but they live by faith. Religious people live by faith. Some have a bucket full of beliefs, rules, people they follow and a perceived way to live like God wants them to believe and live. Much of the world is a combination of both. I would also dare to guess that many do not know what’s in their faith bucket, and some don’t care. We sit in a chair believing it will hold us up. In money some trust (if I could just go viral,,,) and life would go well.

The object of our faith is important. I know that I am not enough. I don’t belong in my faith bucket. Right now, I can’t walk across the room without help. Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father but through me.” He addressed the what’s in your faith bucket. Millions of books are written on why and how Jesus needs to fill our faith bucket while so many people stuff their faith bucket full of books and a bible that talks about it (ugh, there are so many ways to try to be God).

A part of eternity is lived here, day by day. Someday when we are gone from here, there will be a moment when we make eye contact with the king of kings. The one who died for our sins so we could be declared perfect to God. Will this king have that tinge of recognition in his eyes, or will we be seen as a stranger? He will only invite those he knows inside forever. It will be beyond important then, which makes it important now.

I still do not enjoy uh-oh’s, but in the context of life and where I’m sitting, I’m really doing well. My pail of faith may be way less than the size of a mustard seed, but I want only Jesus in it. Whether I live in pain or die in luxury, I am really alive because of Jesus.

Her middle name is Joy.

37 surgeries at this time,

some life flights, lots of pain.

A radiant smile. coincidence? I think not.

Gary

Some of you have a great Bible verse or passage, so post in comments.

Wintering The Soul: Get a Glint (2)

Posted on by Gary Fultz

After 6 years…This post has a conclusion at the end. (Originally posted January 2018)

I ask a coworker friend often; “How is your wife doing?” Before saying anything past a long drawn out “OH,” and a sigh “you know”; there is a telling glint in his eye that means more than words.  A small deep glint at the core encrusted within weary, torn and sad eyes. The glint matches the smile on his face and humor held in check by 3 hours of sleep a night. “We pray for you often;” I say. “We know and feel it” he says, and we go about our work.

Sometimes there is a Bond of Brotherhood that defies depth and definition. Pain has hunted us down and we are fighting it together. Lots of people have pain. Awful pain. It’s normal to just survive it the best we can, hoping for better days. As hard as it is, there is more than just a dark side. There is a side that produces my coworkers steely eye glint. The Aurora Borealis of glints in an eye.

It’s a choice.

Pain, especially ongoing never-ending pain, causes people to pick a path. Some of us go numb for a while, retreating into a shell. We play the “poor me” card. Some wave a big flag and call attention to all their woes. Many cards are usually played here including the “send me money” card, and there is a whole deck of personal reaction cards. I want to tell you about our friends who live differently in their pain than most. I will call them Mr. and Mrs. B.

Mrs. B’s story (short version)

Mrs. B has had a degenerative disease for many years which has led to her body not working correct on many fronts. She is bedridden and can sit in a wheelchair sometimes when seeing doctors and such. Her pain is so bad she is chipping her teeth from clenching her jaw. A mouth guard is now needed. Her pain triggers a PTSD type situation where she does not recognize her husband for time periods. Mr. B is the main caregiver as well as husband and is totally committed to seeing her through. Mr. B has long hair and a long ponytail (from the old days) that he will never cut off as Mrs. B can only be convinced that Mr. B is really her husband as he has her grab his ponytail. He gets about 3 hours of sleep a night after keeping any sharp objects away from her. God, humor and friends keep them going, mostly God. I asked our company to hire him and let him leave and come back as often as he needs for his wife. Every company needs a Mr. B (for 100 reasons plus his work ethic and influence on work culture) although he falls asleep in meetings.

Another side of the story

Early last Sunday morning Mrs. B felt “weighed” to pray for our pastor. She did not know he would have to quit in the middle of his sermon and ask our associate pastor to step in and finish. She seems to know things before they happen because of her unusual walk with God, this is normal. Her trust in God is a Redwood Forest of trust compared to a normal forest. Seeds grown in the soil of pain and nurtured by walking with God.

Mrs. B had her doctor in tears because of her reaction last week to all the bad news about how bad her body is doing. She assured her doctor that she was really OK because in the big picture she knows where she is going and life here is but a blip on the screen of eternity. She has that glint in her eye that is physically real. I believe (totally unsubstantiated) God has given this couple a glint connected to eternity.

The hundreds letters of encouragement by Mrs. B to missionaries, scores of college students and others in the community that have needed prayer have waned over the years. The ability to host a small group in their home is probably gone. A silent unseen spiritual warrior gaining more strength in the heavenly realm as the physical slips away. Who does this? Actually, there are many stories, many silent lives strong in faith and weak in body. Mrs. B has been assured deep within her soul, by God; that she will someday have her body redeemed. Our Spina Bifida daughter is another and you may know someone like this. Should we not all have this faith and assurance in the depth of our being? Should we not all “Get a Glint”?

Romans 8:22-24 (NIV)

 22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 

Now that’s something worth glinting for!

Gary

Mrs. B went home to be with her Jesus a couple days ago. In all her pain she finished well. Watching, I am without excuse. We all get a conclusion. Bye Deb… Bruce and I will see you at the gate. Final sunset, silent taps.

A beautiful Ugly Tree I See

Posted on by Gary Fultz

It’s my favorite tree in the fall of the year. I step out the front door and a splash of multi-color maple leaves against a backdrop of green oak leaves framing the maple. All framed by the sky and whatever the weather is doing at the time. A photogenic maple, in the fall only. Take a peek.

See what I mean? It’s just started to change color and it does it in sections. Reds, yellows and greens here

Each day I seem to enjoy a little more red or a little more yellow.

I must admit, I am partial to the reds in this maple. What a splash compared to all the other fall colors.

There is one glitch though. I find this tree hard to capture in a photograph. The look I want is hard to get. I have to frame sections of this spread out tree so I take many different pictures, framing them just so and cropping parts out I don’t want. take a peek at a few different angles of the tree.

Still pretty but losing it’s glory

Now on to the ugly part of the tree (in comparison). Right now the tree stands almost empty of leaves. So far I have refused to take a side view picture of the tree. It’s an old maple, leans and the body of the tree is crooked and unbalanced. It only looks good from the front. I have framed the tree in pictures to make it fit my purposes.

I was setting up my camera on a tripod with a big lens for a close up photo and a not so comfortable insight tapped me on the head, right through my thick stocking cap (and yes my thick skull). I do that with God. My perspective of God changes with the seasons and with the circumstances all too often. Somehow, when my perspective changes, I think God is the one who has changed.

When life is going really well, God is a good and beneficial God. God is with me at all times and is answering all kinds of prayer. When we were life flighting my daughter, God didn’t seem to want to be hear our pleas or even get on the plane (from where I sat). God is a God of little miracles. He will help a relative find their Contac lens in a miraculous way. God has saved our daughters life so many times but not healed her of the cause in her crippled body. God let a saw blade fly off a machine and cut both my arms to the bone, and then he saved my life. And, so, I frame God from my perspective. As a young boy trying to get my fingers to work after all the nerves in my arms were cut off. It seemed (to me ) that “normal” people could trust God wholeheartedly because they only saw the front view of God. Yet, God was an old leaning tree to me at the time.

Our perspective means everything and we trust our perspective. If we think our perspective has not been framed by any one or any thing but us, we are very wrong. The game in politics is to raise the most money for “framing” one’s great “colors” while discoloring the opponent. Advertising is a trillion dollar framing business in “brand recognition”. I have the best looking maple tree every fall and I frame pictures to prove it. Jesus just comes along and says “follow me”. We (God and I) have had some very lopsided conversations on how he has framed my life. His answer is the same “follow me. I did and I have.

My wife and I had a rare glimpse of God’s framing when Our daughter was three. She went into septic shock. Her last words as we were going out the door to Emergency “mommy the lights went out”, then she went unconscious. No blood pressure, not enough blood to brain, c-scan ordered, The mobile unit c-scan came (his choice as he didn’t have to). Mobile unit guy thought the little girl would die in his unit so he made a bargain with God. “God if she lives, I will take my family to church in the morning”. She lived, the four of them went to church (of all places our church and they were praying for our daughter). They heard the gospel and turned over their lives to God, all four of them. Those in on the story being lived out by us, took a peak of life from God’s perspective. Sometimes that looking glass is quite foggy. Sometimes, more like most of the time, that view is beyond our eyesight. Jesus still offers the best framing from an eternal perspective and says “follow me”

When the back side of life is ugly and we cannot frame nice colors anymore, when beautiful people are finding Contac lenses in miraculous ways while our loved ones are losing their memory, or in chronic pain or fighting to stay alive; remember the one who framed our sin on a cross. Follow Jesus and let him frame life’s circumstances, events, issues and relationships. Know him through his word (the bible) and know him personally through his life in you. A living breathing relationship with our creator. The same one who made those red leaves and put them there. He then gave me the artistic desire and ability to frame so carefully and think I’m good.

This old guy can still dress up nice but I don’t stand as straight and I lean to the left and am not as balanced as before…”Good one” God.

Gary

Again

Posted on by Gary Fultz

I have a heart condition. It’s a secret to most. Those who have deeply known me over a long period of time know I get a seasonal depression. It stalks me each winter, trying to spread into my winter season of life. Eyes dim, thought delays lengthen, shorter strides gimp as the former wings of my heart and soul grow slowly defluttered. I want a good heart again.

I want to walk through the woods with unspeakable joy again.

I want to see the un-see-able as I gaze through the treetops into the heavens, past the galaxies again.

I want to rescue desire and wonder to mountains above, to wrist away warring-fear-demons smog. Again.

I want my acidic tears of grief to be purified by joy into refreshing life drops where they fall again.

I want my hearts strong rhythm refreshing and cleansing every cell, so what’s dying may live again.

Oh Lord, I need your heart to beat in me again. You can have mine. Again.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10

Again

Ahh, the heart of new life

Oh friend, have you ever searched your heart and found it shriveling? After the rocks of life have so cracked the looking glasses of reality, how do we see clearly? Eternity is seen with the heart, but only clearly with the creators heart in us is life and eternity in focus at the same time.

Some reflective Thoughts as I watch the sunset on and beyond. Life is on and beyond

Gary

Surviving The Crash

Posted on by Gary Fultz

Several of you have wanted to know more details of my cousins daughter surviving a plane crash in Alaska last month. You may have seen something on the news or googled “plane crash on a lake in Alaska”. Notice the open water in the background if you clicked on the link.

Ashley and Glenn talk some about this in their local rural church. It’s very much worth hearing their thoughts then and today. There is a long journey ahead to get back to the top of a mountain.

This is a “before” picture. I hope it can happen again Ashley!

As a backdrop, keep some little tidbits of information in the back of your mind.

This from a text today: “The hardest part about telling the story is that it takes so long to set up the story that many of the miracles were not even mentioned.  Lake Illiamna is the 7th largest freshwater lake in the world. 1) Had the pilot started the turn 10 seconds sooner (which equals 1/2 mile), the plane would have crashed in open water.  10 seconds later and they would have crashed in the rocks.  It was perfect timing to crash onto 30 inches of ice in a bay.  2) The plan crashed in the middle of a turn, hitting wing first.  This caused the plan to cartwheel, which caused the engine and battery to be ripped off, so that there was nothing to ignite the leaking AV fuel.  3) God allowed for one of the texts to make it out, which gave coordinates and situation.  Just that small detail shaved off an hour or more of search and rescue response. 4) There is the triple A battery, that was in someone’s pocket, which was nearly sliced in two,  protecting an upper thigh from a potentially deep cut”

The list goes on and on of seemingly small details of life and death significance.

This interview, in their local church, is a part of the palm Sunday service. Pick up the conversation with Ashley at 39:45 and Glenn’s challenge as a father at 57:30. going into this. Understand this is someone with a very recent miraculous survival story. (Scroll to Ashley talking at 39:45 and Glenn at 57:30)

Scroll to Ashley talking at 39:45 and Glenn at 57:30

When asked if there was anything else I should put in this post, Glenn asked for this prayer of encouragement from Colossians 1 :9-11. “ For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God,  being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience”

Ask questions in comments, and, yes an account is being set up to help pay emergency evacuation and medical bills beyond what insurance will cover. I will post that later on my regular garyfultz blog

Thanks

Gary

Rest, Rest, and The _ _ _ Story

Posted on by Gary Fultz

A couple years ago I received an email from a new-found writer and blog follower.  RON BOUCHARD, THE BURNING HEART wrote “Hey Gary, don’t neglect the gift God has given you. Write man write!!” I had not put out a post for awhile and he made sure I was not going to quit. So I didn’t. Sometimes it just takes one encouragement. He was short and to the point and he said about the same thing 3 different times…Yep, that’s a friend. A friend I never got to meet.

Since then Ron has battling cancer, taken chemo and gone into remission. We have encouraged one another and he has been on my prayer list. I had not heard from him in awhile on his small but mighty blog so I sent him a message or two around Christmas. Yesterday I was delighted to see a post from “The Burning Heart”, until I opened it.

I admit it was hard for me to see Nancy’s post on Ron’s site. Those who had visited his site will smile and also be saddened. We should remember to lift up Nancy and family to the Lord.

Click here to see Nancy’s post on Ron Click here for update

Ron, as well as many of you, wanted to make it to Minnesota (in the summer) and spent some time in the boat with me. A fireside chat in the back yard with smores to the mosquito hum and possibly the coyotes would yip or the big gray timber wolves moan. We would absolutely have a fish fry.

We will miss his posts and emails while Nancy will miss Him. One thing we could all take from Ron’s life and writings; He did not hold back his heart. His Blog title was accurate. You know his heart is still burning with a flame for God.

Ron related to those on the Emmaus road “And they said to one another, “Did not our hearts burn within us while He talked with us on the road, and while He opened the Scriptures to us?” Luke 24:32 Should that not be said of us?

I keep re-reading this…” He had sent a text that he was tired and going to rest before driving home, and…”

Rest Ron, Rest. at least the weather is perfect there. It’s really cold here. We will keep writing from our burning hearts!

This morning was cold. Xtra Cold…

Ironic that Life here goes on, and on, and un…til it hits forever.

Gary

Life is like that…

Posted on by Gary Fultz

You Tube Video Link (skip music and intro at 24 minutes into it) (Life is like that) 4 Points listed below.

I was asked to share my personal template for my walk with God to our little but mighty church in the north woods of Minnesota. At the very least you will enjoy a personal story at the beginning of my talk. you can skip the music and introductory remarks by starting at 23:53 Watch and listen here

The picture I had put on the screen (unseen in the video) was a hummingbird picture featured in my other blog where I tell how to shoot these kinds of pictures https://garyfultz.com/2021/06/29/fast-photo/

I outline my template for living and growing a personal relationship with stories and scripture. Our little u-tube set up is just a camera on a tripod taking sound from the speakers mic. It works for people who cannot make it to the church service.

Take a Walk

Have a talk

Get Right

Stay tight

I share my heart. I will admit to being a better fisherman than a rusty, sometimes crusty speaker. I felt it worth sharing with you, Some of my side comments have been influenced by recent blogs (possibly yours). Life has been hard lately so I have been off grid a lot. I will enjoy coming back. Till then, I encourage you to know Jesus more and more, no matter what life is like for you these days.

Gary.

Left Out

Posted on by Gary Fultz
Scruffy weed

5 words. Clear as could be. Have you ever had a voice speak to you in your head? Did I really hear that? I have been connecting with God in so many ways on this wilderness trip. Analogies from nature like the “knots” I just wrote about. Our wilderness trip group had just waited a couple hours for high winds to lessen so we could paddle in very dangerous winds in big water. God had been with us, I’m sure of it. I didn’t die or even capsize the canoe and nearly die (been there…). Now on a 3/4 mile (190 rod) portage, trudging over small mountains, through mud and up-down stairstep terrain, God says 5 words out of the blue as I step over a small insignificant, growing in the wrong place scruffy plant.

“I care about that plant“

I can think of a hundred other things I would have liked to hear from God and this?? Sigh…yes I sighed. I knew what He was saying without saying even though He said it long ago. My thoughts immediately they went to Jesus words “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.” Matthew 10:29

“I know Lord” I prayed. “You care about me. You care about our daughter racked with a painful handicap and getting worse. I know you care about my wife 24/7 taking care of her. I know. I know” The world is falling apart Lord and you care about an insignificant plant enough to point it out while I’m carrying a 70 pound pack and running low on energy after an adrenaline laden paddle…”I know Lord, I know…Sigh.

“You are God and you care…I know Lord I know”…sigh

Gary

Beauty in the Pause

Posted on by Gary Fultz
The storm paused just long enough to take a picture

He knocked and came in. A weary smile and hello. 12 years of caring for his wife with a declining mind. I noticed that the snow had just begun to fall. The storm was coming. Softly and gently at first with memory slipping just like the falling snow when I glanced out the window. How innocent comes a storm sometimes.

We talked for a couple hours, mostly covering smatterings of the last 12 years interspersed with memorial preparations in the making. The snow outside had the makings of a storm coming and going. She whom we were remembering had thick slices of good times at first, very thin and meager slices of connection with her husband near the end. Every good time now deemed worthy of a memory token, beautiful and now treasured beyond measure

The storm was picking up speed but acting like an old car stuttering and grinding gears with a driver new to using a clutch. Her brain was like that, often disconnected with life, stuttering, charging and stranded in the next intersection. Oh the good times were really good, but shorter and shorter like camera shots, until all that was left at the end were a couple squeezes of the hand before hugging Jesus. He seemed at peace with much weight off his whole being but his sorrow brutal. A couple as “one” who Loved Jesus and each other fiercely, now an alone “one”

The storm was harsh as he left. “Drive safe” was my warning as he disappeared with his car into the storm. His storm has changed I thought. He is in the eye of the storm seeing the peace and beauty and reliving a life well lived. As soon as he left our drive our storm outside hit a hole in the clouds for a small while. I had seen the weather radar and the hole in the storm was predicted. The wind died and the lighting was an odd beauty not seen often. I stepped outside and snapped a couple of pictures, tokens for a memory. Beauty in the pause that tipped it’s hat to a life well lived here and received there.

His storm will start again when he is alone. he has a standard offer to call or drive over any time. Just come. It’s what Jesus does for all of us. Just come. Come in the storm or in the pause. Just come.

The storm quickly came again and would last into the middle of the night. I put on some layers, stepped out onto the deck and took a picture of the storm. a memory token of another kind. A token of his storm, my storm and yours. The token of the cross, a slain perfect lamb for a forever pause, forever beauty, forever connected to our creator after grinding gears in our storms here. Jesus says “Come, as you are, anytime”

“Just Come” Jesus

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

In memory of Kim. We are here for you Dennis

Gary

I KNOW

Posted on by Gary Fultz

Looking through the bars of life his whisper came “I KNOW” All the things I’ve covered up and yet I hear “I KNOW” I’ve bested life, I’m gaming strife, burned memories of “I KNOW” Perhaps the times, could be my rhymes, I really think I know.

Again I heard, unsettled word, A dream I knew “I KNOW” I still have pawns, I move my king, position beats “I KNOW” I’m still ahead, remorse is dead, fend off the great “I KNOW” I heard it said I’ll join the grave, once dead that’s all, I know

It ambushed me, warm child’s voice that called aloud “I KNOW” Filled with rage, a stumbled sage, dethroned yet heard “I KNOW” Mocked my life in cancers sneer, I understood “I KNOW” Beneath the cross in rubbles gown, submit to this “I KNOW”

BY GARY FULTZ

Remembering my uncle who built an empire all his life. He had it all. Played professional sports, became a lawyer for a fortune 500 company, hobnobbed with the elite in Washington DC and retired wealthy. Cancer and bitterness set in and no one could point him past his anger toward God. No one until a little niece, whom he loved, had an older brother dial the phone (yes, very young) and call him. She simply said ” I just wanted to ask you one question. Have you accepted Jesus into your heart? Jesus loves you!”

Uncle went into a rage demanding who would make a child play a dirty trick on him like that! His niece then convinced her parents to drive 24+ hours to see him before he died. She convinced uncle that no one had put her up to it and he needed to know Jesus loved him very much. Uncle was led by a small child to a last minute relationship with Jesus before he died.

“I KNOW” haunted me when I was young. I did something wrong “I KNOW” I hid my wrongs “I KNOW” I pushed that voice beyond memory only to surface in dreams I KNOW” I confessed my sins “I KNOW” When I was afraid and I clung to my savior in hard times. He answered “I KNOW”

“For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” I Corinthians 13:12

Do you know Jesus? He loves you very much.

Gary