grief

With dawn breaking darkness my woods walk found me pondering one of life’s questions. “Why am I not enough?” If I telescope the universe, I am small. I cannot blip the “important” scale, or any other. It’s really quite simple. I am not enough.

I find ways to be important. Causes, being a voice, influencing, money, power and being bigger-better-smarter than “those”. All zeros as life slips into the ultimate irony when all my numbers and zeros are worth…”ZERO” I cannot be enough.

As my walk nears the open field, I can barely see the sun through the fog. The sun, much bigger than me. No life without the sun. No questions without the sun. Enough to see. Enough to be. Why do I think there’s more?

It’s sad when two are not enough for each other. One cannot deny the divorce commonness. Deflections, clamoring’s and finger-pointing abounds when nothing can fill the voids of life. Even in mourning I still find myself collecting grief shells in a small overflowing time bucket. It’s written in the DNA; No one is enough.

I gaze at the sun gradually melting the fog. The Son. Predictions and promises of enough. “I am The Way, The Truth and The Life. NO ONE come to the Father (ENOUGH) but through Me”

So I, in dew drenched knees, dump out my “enough” bucket of shells, trinkets, plastic trophies, grief shells, aspirations, zeros and accolades. I reach for the outstretched hand of the Son and hear the familiar “follow me”. I leave my bucket. I smile as an odd thot crosses my mind, “I am filled with enough and have plenty to share”. The next time I walk by my old bucket I may just kick it.

“Whoever has the Son has life (ENOUGH); whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life” 1 John 5:12

I have found I am not enough, but walking, talking and being fulfilled in a relationship Jesus is my enough.

Gary