Dying

Posted on by Gary Fultz

Dad and Mom 62 years eml

They didn’t make it another year together. Since then Dad has been dying. Slowly. Two immensely strong trees grown together and ripped apart in one of life’s storms (dad’s words).

I mourn for mom in passing. I mourn for dad as pieces of his life pass. He might not fish or hunt again and I mourn. Walking the woods and hunting together is past and I mourn. Eating food is hard and firing up the grill or smoker for dad has lost it’s enjoyment. I mourn that. Enjoyment itself seems to be passing like a salmon arriving at it’s birth place, there is no more will to fight the currents.

The hardest thing for me to see dying is the wilting of relationship. We are turning our heads away from each other viewing the tasks of making it another day, week, month and secretly Christmas. There is a shadow, a dark cloud in the way of supping with one another and I mourn. Dad has turned his head toward eternity. Like a horse headed to the barn (one of his old farm, can’t wait to get there, expressions).

Today, I’ll get in the car and drive a few hours to see dad. It’s possible he may have much or little time left. I may have many or few visits left. I may have a weeks vacation left with him on the old place. I don’t know. All I know is that Dad is dying in dozens of ways, and that’s hard. I mourn.

I do take comfort in the fact that dad see’s eternity and there is light. The door is cracked open enough for light to spill out but he cannot look inside, yet. He seems to be parked by the door and I want to take him for another boat or ATV ride. Oh, he can still do that physically but it’s not the same. He wants to see Jesus and hug mom again. I don’t blame him but I mourn.

This morning I gave him to God. I sat on the screen porch watching the rain in 50 degree weather with the hummingbirds chasing one another and three rabbits in the lawn in front of me and I let a piece of me die. He is God’s you know. He knows. He always was Gods as long as I have known him. I’m dying too, and I mourn that.

dads sunset eml

Dad and I have something in common. We know Jesus. Personally. Relation-ally. We will both live forever. We both know this “eternal life”. Without Christ we would die forever.  

I will give dad a hug, say “bye for now dad” (you know just in case I need to wait for eternity to see him again), get in the car and make the 5 hour drive back home. Man I miss dad! but not forever.

Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life. (1 John 5:12)

Dad and I would really like to see you there, please don’t die forever.

Gary

Update: Rest in peace dad (February 13 1933- July 2 2019)  Bye for now dad. I sure do miss you and mom.

When We See. Really See

Posted on by Gary Fultz

 

Let me ramble a bit about some wilderness wanderings with my family last week. The sites and sounds were awesome! So much of our trip is a parallel to a life with God, pictures and all. Let’s talk about what we see. really see.

Most of us have our wilderness wanderings of the soul as well. One is in the seeing beyond ourselves.

otter 3
3 otter swam by in the wee hours of daylight. It seems they were created to fish and play

Let’s face it. Most of our seeing is positioning ourselves to see. Awareness is another ingredient to seeing. Capturing a photo is another step in seeing. Framing that photo is then important to explain what we saw. Maybe, God shows off sometimes. Just for us?? He loves us you know. Maybe we see (really see) that and know that He is God, Creator of all things. He has framed our world, all the molecules in the universe and beyond. He has framed you.

BWCA sunset Camp cp eml
The rain stopped, the sun came out and set as night came. See the wolf? The sun prevails.
Liz Walleye eml
Our Grand daughters senior dream vacation (A wilderness canoe trip). She will outfish most.  

It’s entirely possible to have a dream vacation and only have an adventure, see a nice sunset, catch some fish, do some exploring and that’s about it if it works out.

There’s a better way. What if we position ourselves to see God’s handiwork in marvelous ways? What if we don’t? What if we spend some alone time with God expressing our wonder at the sights and sounds?

fog eml
Early one morning I waited until I could see through the fog. kind of.

What do you see? Is life just rambling in the fog between storms? Are you positioned to see God’s handiwork all around? How about in your life? God is in the business of opening our eyes you know. I only know about this because He has done it in my life and coutless others throughout time. Like the man born blind and healed by Jesus in the Bible, he knows. He sees John 9:25
He answered, “Whether He is a sinner I do not know. There is one thing I do know: I was blind, but now I see!”

I strongly reccomend some wilderness wanderings. Find someplace to have a long chat with your creator. Check out going to the BWCAW sometime. Watch out for bear! (really).

Gary

 

Mom

Posted on by Gary Fultz

veggies-eml.jpgI know you are gone, along with so many others. Bye for now our parting words. I understand I’ll see you at the gate when time is over. Meanwhile, the moms who are here…We are celebrating life and doing something special today for all moms out there. I am also doing something special for the women of my life…Here is to you dear. Our kids even turned out exceptionally well. kabobs em

Just a little something I cooked up if that’s ok. Thank you Lord for the women you put into my life. Help her (my wife) recover from losing her mom this spring. We miss her..Amen

Gary. 

 

Being Intentional

Posted on by Gary Fultz

Born with Spina-Bifida. 37 years, 35 surgeries and thousands of stares and comments. Life and significance can feel like a lone tiny battered island. 

In my quiet time with God I recently (intentionally) asked the Lord for wisdom and a way to show our handicapped daughter how much God loves her and how much her first father loves her. Later in the day I came across this very special blog by a very special lady. please visit and read.    https://writenow.wordpress.com/2019/03/04/beauty-from-slag/

Go back, click on the link first before continuing please!!  

I was able to show our daughter the picture from Shirley’s blog of what some consider to be trash (slag) but mixed with glass in liquid form creates immense beauty. We had some small talk about how it was made and how beautiful it was. I also read the short blog to her. I then said to my daughter “This is you dear daughter. You have often seen yourself as slag, trash, and people have said and done mean things to you; but God has created an immensely beautiful person in you no matter what has happened to your body. 

Realization of this truth was like slowly filling a clear glass picture of water but not shutting the tap off. First there were tears, then sobs and a heaving chest full of sobs came as her picture overflowed. A new radiance of spirit that most of us will never experience quietly came as the tap slowed and stopped. Dad & Tania CP eml

Before showing and reading to my daughter as she rested in bed, I intentionally thanked God for his answer to prayer and intentionally asked for wisdom in presenting this spectacular picture of slag mixed with glass on Shirley’s blog. I see her this way. I know and see the beauty that others may miss. See picture here

slag glass cross section
the beautiful colors of slag glass are endless

I wonder how many people I walk by every day who do not know that God can take the slag of their life, melt it down and mix with His ineffable power.  Only God can do such grandiose kind of work words cannot express in each of us. Thanks G.W for that great read.  https://collinsgw.combecoming/2019/03/06/ineffable-power/

My daughter and I talked about the word “ineffable” in her life. Joyous tears again.

The kind of intentionality it takes to turn the trash slag into beautiful glass slag in people’s lives is huge, costly and time consuming on our part. Ask my daughter, it’s worth it. Ask God, it’s worth it. Ask Me and I will tell you that watching someone slowly realize the ineffable power of God masked by a broken body has more grandeur than any wonder the world could contain. 

Please comment, thanks for reading.

Gary

The two links posted are pure gold. Thanks Shirley and G.W for your intentionality in making them so worthwhile.

Breakfast and Breakfast

Posted on by Gary Fultz

Breakfast and Breakfast eml
March 2 2019 7:03 am. A hungry slice in time

First Breakfast this morning: Great are the works of the Lord, They are pondered by all who delight in them. (Psalm 111:2)  A great time in the word.

2nd Breakfast: 3 eggs, 3 bacon, 2 toast loaded with peanut butter and strawberry jam.

One will last a few hours of sustenance. The other will last an eternity. One is a short time enjoyment while the other takes it’s time to penetrate and change one’s very being. One is paid for out of labor wages while the other was paid for by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

Now I’m gushing a bit but that’s ok. The previous verse which is Psalm 111:1 says “I will extol the Lord”. The word “Extol” means to praise enthusiastically, rapturous, Sing the praises of, gush, eulogize, rhapsodize, rave about and the list goes on

Have you had your first breakfast today?

Gary

ps: Oh, and coffee with both 

 

Once upon a sculpting

Posted on by Gary Fultz

 

A storm makes a mess. We can allow God to Sculpt us in the strongest storms of life

Wind snow sculpture close up eml
Snow sculpture edge close up     Dictionary:To carve, model, chisel, sculpture, fashion, form, shape, cast, cut, hew.     Everything is being sculpted outside our house right now. Wind, gusts of wind, bigger and longer gusts of wind, and then hold your breath I think the creaking house is moving in these monstrous gusts of wind. Wind snow blow cp eml

Lately it seems like every couple of days we are having 50 hour storms. Piles of snow. As I type and look out the window, high winds are sculpting the landscape. Nature plays for keeps. So does God.

Wind snow blow 4 eml
Not a tweety bird in sight, sometimes nothing is in sight

There are probably a lot of overlapping  lessons  here. Possible titles: Storms of life anyone? In the Storm? After the Storm? When Harsh Winds Blow? Help Me Find My Car? Winter Camping Anyone? Can’t Find My Igloo? This is Fun! Where have all the bluebirds gone?

Wind snow blow 2 eml
Disclaimer on photo quality: The only thing holding still is my camera on a tripod taking pictures of moving things from inside the house through the windows.

I know, in my head, that God uses all things to Sculpt us. The One who designs one of a kind in everything from each snowflake in the storm to you and I. When I say this I think of the abused, the quadriplegic, the cancer ALS and other disease fighters, the inner and outer scarred and broken, the forgotten in special homes and you and I. We all have, or will, fit the bill sometime in our life before the dates separated by a dash are sculpted into granite. Life can be just cruel and harsh.

In This Sculpting by God, We can Trust. He has a plan that takes all the accidents, splats and storm damages of life to sculpt us into the likeness of his son for eternity. I do not say this lightly. I have lots of life’s scars and only some are visible. You probably do as well.

Wind snow sculpture eml
A larger view of some small snow sculptures in my yard. As I type they are changing, bigger, tougher, prettier and the winds are much harder. I’m not going out there!

God is bigger than any storm and does more than patch up storm damage. He is so powerful that he can take the storm damaged life and make it part of your christ-like-eternal-DNA masterpiece

Trust God, Trust God, Trust God not only with your life but with your storms! (Proverbs 3:5-6). Walk with Him daily. He will direct your paths

Gary 

I took the above pictures an hour ago (below, just now). The winds outside are getting seriously worse. I’m going to see if I still have a boat behind the shed (or a shed for that matter), make some coffee and watch the storm. Yep wind gust coming

Wind gust coming eml
Picture taken through the patio door and through the screen porch…not going out there!

Inside Outside

Posted on by Gary Fultz

Inside outside winter 2019 eml

Inside and outside are the same.  Kind of…

Have you ever tried to take a picture inside with the outside showing? Normally there is glare, too much light and a flash is needed unless it’s dark outside. I actually set up the camera in the living room on a tripod and waited until the light density was similar inside to the outside. A 70 degree difference from inside to outside as it was a snowstorm just ending outside.

It’s February and very nice out… temperature wise.  

In september the temperature made it’s way down into the 30’s and it was cold. October made it a little colder. November temperature went down into the teens. December made it down to zero and into a few degrees below zero. this January we found 20 below zero a few times and the beginning of February in the minus 30 below zero range (some saw minus 40’s but you get the picture).  What was cold in September is now t-shirt weather. January weather seems warm from February’s view. 

icicles ed eml
Our Spruce tree seems cold as the sun sets. We love our views from the inside

We live and adjust to relativities in so many areas of our lives, not just the weather.

We live and adjust daily without even thinking about it. I have 6 pairs of outdoor boots and combinations of 12 layers of different types of outer and layered coats and jackets (I can stay warm in minus 30 with a wind chill of -60 degrees). A few days ago I was outside unloading my ice fishing equipment and I thought “It’s warm out here”; I looked at the outdoor thermometer and it read -32 degrees. The wind had died down and it felt warm outside. I called dad mid January to let him know it was minus 20 degrees. He said “wow it’s warm there, it’s -42 here”. I just gave my oldest kentucky daughter a text telling her “it is 40 degrees colder here…must be nice”. She texted back “and I thought 21 degrees was really cold”

Even though it feels warm, it would still be a disaster to stick one’s tongue on the car door handle. There are some things that are not relative. You will still lose part of your tongue if stuck on freezing metal (I have a winter camping story with tin cups for another time). A bad diet seems ok until later in life. Smoking seemed ok for our health a long time ago. We can come up with an endless list of how we live life as relative. Maybe it actually kind of works; until it doesn’t.

A relationship with God is not relative. Sin is not relative. God’s love is not relative. Don’t stay outside in relativities on this one. Come inside. What God says and has revealed to man and carefully recorded and preserved in scripture trumps our relative spiritual ideologies.

I would encourage you to read the Bible. Unlike any other book ever written, the Holy Bible is compiled of writings that cover a span of about 1400 years and include some 40 writers. Within its pages are 66 books, yet it is considered one book, The Book, The Holy Scriptures, The Word of God. The time period recorded during those 1400 years covers nearly 4000 years of human history and God’s revelation of Himself to and through man. The history of the Holy Bible is the history of God’s involvement with mankind.

I’m getting ready for tomorrow. Another snowstorm coming. Warm weather as it will stay above -10 tonight. Maybe. Tomorrow morning I will also continue getting ready for another tomorrow (someday my tomorrow will be in eternity) as I read a passage from God’s word, pray (my personal talk time with God), reflect and allow God’s Spirit to set my tone for the day. I have a personal relationship with my creator God. It’s real and I am changed. I trust the changes in me are not like the weather outside. temporary. Relative. To be more like Jesus is reality. Truth. Inside.

Gary

Moonset Morning at Ten Below Zero

Posted on by Gary Fultz

moonset morning at ten below zero eml
I  stepped outside and took a 10 second time exposure. Long enough to get cold in my sleepwear. 

I watched the moon set before the sun would light the morning.  I pondered and identified with the Psalmist.

“You, God are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you in a dry and parched land where there is no water. ” Psalm 63: 1

I thought of the all the sailors who have been adrift in life boats after losing their vessel in storm or war; often muttering “water water everywhere but not a drop to drink.”

I think often of the happiest people I have ever seen in a third world country and they have nothing.

I think of the change of one’s whole being when they finally understand how much Jesus loves them; enough to die for them. It’s like coming home from vacation and all your plants look dead and they spring to life with water. Only we get “Living Water.”

I ponder how this passion for God in our dry and thirsty land affects my speech, word choices and topics of conversation today and through the week. Will I use alternate swear words? slang? Will I confront or come alongside when differences arise? will I wash the dishes when my wife looks tired even though I have had an 11 hour work day? Will I say a kind word to a harried cashier? Will I live intentionally? Generously?

It’s now daylight. Will I live as a child of light? A delightful sunday morning. I read on. “I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you“ Psalm 63: 4-5 (even if I don’t know the song?)

Gary

Seeds and Ladders

Posted on by Gary Fultz

Pine Cones New Years eml
Have a happy New Year from our front yard to you

I’m trying to decide if I really want to pick some of these Norway Spruce cones, heat them in the oven so they open up and allow me to harvest the seeds. Then I will plant them in starter boxes and transplant them around my place. The female cones have about 200+ seeds per cone. I’m sure there are over 50 cones per tree so you see where this simple undertaking could lead. The cones are 25 feet up the tree but I have an old rickety ladder that might reach one rung at a time. Yearly goals are like this I guess. Do I really want to do this? Is my ladder good enough? Some of my many 2019 questions.

So many seeds, so little time. Maybe enough resources? However, these young (as trees go) 35 foot trees each came from one good seed planted in good soil and grew. Seems worth the risk.Pine cones eml

SO… fellow bloggers, speakers and readers: May 2019 be a year where your words are as the cones of the Norway Spruce in my front yard. Housing thousands of precious seeds capable of growing a huge forest. reachable one solid rung at a time as you climb your ladder to the harvest. Whatever your goals may be there is a ladder to climb.

So reach for those cones and take care of those seeds. Plant them in soil you have prepared in us….those you connect with. 

Now the parable is this: The seed is the word of God. Luke 8:11

Gary

Oh, make sure your ladder is good…is there a verse for that?

He Restores My Soul

Posted on by Gary Fultz

6-9 people will sleep in this house each night. The Motorcycle will transport up to 4 people at one time. My world is different from this.

I fell asleep praying and pondering deeply on Psalm 23:3 last night. I awoke praying and pondering the depths of God’s work of restoration when I let him. I think somehow I prayed and pondered in my sleep…is that possible?  I’m quite sure His remake is quite different and beyond what I have in mind. Like the picture above we might be asking for a bigger bike when our house needs a rebuild.

new house
A brand new house in Guatemala

 

On this day of thanksgiving (our american set aside holiday to mostly over-eat), May we say “The Lord is my Shepherd” and allow his remake process to be happening in our lives.

Our team built a new house for a family. Great as it was for them, it’s only a house. Oh the undiscoverable depths God wants to build restoring our soul.

Now that’s something to be thankful for. My personal challenge: Give someone else a reason to be thankful today.

Gary